I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
