i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
