i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
