my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
