i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize