brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
