eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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