I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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