just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
