im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
3pm strippers are depressing
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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