One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
