it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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