Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
