So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Shame is for Republicans.
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