Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
