Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
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i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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