so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
