He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
