I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
