Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
