The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
