woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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