i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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