I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
