You work out of a Hotel?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize