this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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