so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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