So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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