I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What drink are we having for lunch?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
