life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
