FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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