Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
