Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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