Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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