the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
