Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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