I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
