bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
