apparently the secret to your success is patron
you didnt know i had herpes?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
