I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
