If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
