Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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