Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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