I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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