and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
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Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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