Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
