I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
