Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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