$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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