I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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