I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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