I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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