I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
