We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize