So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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