I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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