in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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