These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
